Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
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