I'm gonna have a badass scar
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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