he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
