Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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