I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
