Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
