Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
