Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you win again, gameday.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Randomize
