i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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