i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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