gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
