why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
