i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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