I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
