Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
