You just made me feel so damn special
Your dad touched me again.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
