Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
