Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
