i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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