I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
