Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
