That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
