Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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