My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
