I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
