I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
