What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
