well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
