i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
