Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
