I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
