This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
