I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
you never un-have a 4some
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
