he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
