Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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