no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
