do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
