yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
