Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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