It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Be still, my beating vagina.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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