I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
