Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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