never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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