she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Randomize
