awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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