one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
