True but thats because hes a fetus.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
