And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
