i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
