I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
